yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
