Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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