I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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