i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
