Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am mentally ready for anal.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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