His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
