I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
