i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
