covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
