I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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