She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
