The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
