You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think I just shit out all my problems.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
