Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
