Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I need a beard to bite.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
