someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
only if we run a train.
done.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
