Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
