on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
