She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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