so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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