my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
