If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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