singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
tequila makes me forget i have legs
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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