So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
