If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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