I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
