I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
How external is "for external use only"?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
