Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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