My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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