You work out of a Hotel?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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