it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
