I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
