i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
