hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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