i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
