maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
