woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
