I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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