i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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