Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
