Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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