I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
