she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
