i jhust puked up my retainher.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
