We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
