There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
