I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
