my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
