carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
ugly people sure do ruin things
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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