I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
